Irrationality, and other mind problems

Today will mark 4 measly days since my goal was established and I'm glad to say I have both a much further way to go and am a lot closer than I imagined all in one.  It's like a long road trip, when you can finally see your destination at the horizon, but then as night falls it still seems so far away, but at least its in your sights now.

I would not claim to be a smart man, but I would estimate somewhere around average, if not a little below.  I have taken classes though in debate, reasoned argument, persuasion and philosophy, and have always believed myself to be a fairly rational person.  I was wrong.  These things merely helped to cover up or justify my irrationality, and led to complacency in thought.

Lacking knowledge is one thing, that ignorance can be rectified by seeking out where you are deficient and gaining the knowledge that was missing previously.  I can deal with being ignorant because I am pursuing my goal which will alleviate some ignorance and put me on the path to eliminate as much of it as I am able to.  What I cannot deal with is my brain slacking off as much as it wants to.

I have to constantly catch myself and redirect my attention, force myself to continue reading to try and make sense the words my eyes see, while my mind lingers on other, far less important, topics.  My brain will not simply read past a problem it has with subject-verb-agreement even if the problem is rectified later on in the sentence.

I feel as if my habits have attenuated my brain to expect regular dopamine drips from reading blurbs and looking at funny pictures rather than the ways I used to behave.  I hope, with effort, it can be converted back to the way it used to function, and that this setting is only temporary.

It's only been four days, and I'm even more determined now than before.  I have a long way to go, longer than I thought originally, but the change should be very much worth it.